you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize