He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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