saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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