just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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