Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
