Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
