so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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