bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
