Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
