Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
