By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize