Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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