fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
