They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
