the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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