Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
