I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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