I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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