Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
