also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The air taste purple.
Randomize
