Me. At least after what I've been through.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
