I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
