Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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