I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
