I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
