As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
