Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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