i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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