Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
