i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
