True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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