some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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