I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
