Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
