that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
