i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize