When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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