Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
