I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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