im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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