im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
