hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
