Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize