Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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