Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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