forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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