Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
