Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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