1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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