He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
