I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
