my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
