Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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