You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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