so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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