i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
