your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
