dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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