In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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