could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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