I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
