There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
