I understand Curling. That high.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
