chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
