I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
