i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The power of my boobs compel you
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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