we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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