I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize