Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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