my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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