i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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