turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
