I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
