I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
