as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
