So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
