There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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