The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize