I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the day after is always just damage control
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize