What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
