Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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