sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
