The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize