How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
