sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
