No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
