hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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