I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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