you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
