Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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