new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
