i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
