Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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