What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
