Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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