So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it hurts more in the daytime
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
this will be a night to untag.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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