it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
