I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
