Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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