Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(812): View more from Indiana

Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.

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(269): View more from Michigan

So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?

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(301): View more from Maryland

i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

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(316): View more from Kansas

Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?

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(478): View more from Georgia

There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping

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(604): View more from British Columbia

All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD

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(423): View more from Tennessee

She used to be cute, back when we were young.

(276): View more from Virginia

Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.

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