now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
