My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
