Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
