im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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