The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
