so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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