I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Come share oat with me in your robe
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
