booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
