david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize