Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
