he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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