i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
