ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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